Due to computer issues at my school, I've been out of the loop for a while. They blocked everything they possibly could for about three weeks. On a sad note, my friend Rosanny's dad died in a freak construction accident and Helena is being kicked out for plagiarism. Gramma's 90th was saturday night and Amelia came to sleep over for the night. She was surprised by Katey and Michael who within the first 15 minutes of us being there had used the N-word at least twenty times, made fun of asians, women and gay people. It was disturbing as well as embarassing, at least amelia found it funny.

This is a link to Joe Speier's son's you tube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlZeMH8CaKM

anyway. i thought it was funny.

oh my goshhhh. The prison break season finale was to die for. I feel as thogh I bonded with everyone who possibly watched it. it was fantastic and I can't wait until January 22nd. or Dec. 19th for Step Up ORRRR the 15th for COLLEGEEE

i just applied to college!

My away message right now:

The White Hut.
Flea Markets.
Sex.
what a good day.

and its so true. Amelia got me up at 9:30 to bring her sadistic lover back to college so she didnt have to drive the entire way back alone. I spotted the flea market dad and I went to a couple years ago after a hockey game in North Haven off of Rt. 15 near Oakdale and we stopped there on the way back. I got a couple pairs of earrings and a necklace. Mia got a brooch practically the size of my fist. It stank because the asian bootleggers that would sell you fake purses for 13 bucks were gone. Then we went to the White hut which is this western mass institution. it has been around since 1939 and has the best burgers in the world. plenty of gourmet cooking mags have said so. After our lunch we got back home and realized what a great day it had been. It was almost ruined by coming back to williston. I spent the last couple hours in the photo lab printing the pictures I took of dad and toning my pics of lizzie. Not a bad day. Not to mention i have been having an AMAAAZING hair day. no idea what happened!

while M. and I were in the photo lab this morning before class he was sitting reading a photo book and eating his ECB (egg cheese and bacon) on a bagel with a lot of ketchup. We were talking and then he turns to a page with a picture of runners before a race and all you can see is here arms in the ready position. He pointed at their arms, looked at me and said "nice arms huh?" in my head i was like ... oooh shit.... i better just get this over with. "yeah, they are, i have a thing with forearms."..."yeah...amelia told me someone told her that I had really nice forearms. I had a feeling it might be you."

After telling him how embarassed I was he got super cute and said "well don't worry - i take it as a compliment... i work really hard on my forearms." which was funny and made me feel better. AHHHHH. i loooooooooooove him and i haaaaaaaaaaaate being such a girl.

ahh... it is already hard for me to post everyday! ooh just saved my thoreau mug from certain death - it was veering dangerously close to the edge of my desk... "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." Just not so close to the edge there old fella.

A new used clothing store opened up in Easthampton today. It sucked which sucked in and of itself. Mike liked my finished college essay. How sweet, not really, he said he liked it once and then talked about his muscles for the rest of the time. I told him that it wasn't polite to be so full of himself and then called him a dork. Half the time he makes me want to throw up and the rest of the time i swoon. Unfortunately M. was there - on the computer. totttally embarassing, seeing as i was wearing my theater makeup and sweats. As usual he was too high to notice my existance besides the usual sexy dimple smile and a "hey elllllle" in a sexy droned out voice. ahhhh the perils of luuust.

I'm going to try and write once a day for the next thirty days, if all goes well. There is some sort of prize maybe ;). who knows. as for my life. a big faat ole mess. M is defintitely going to find out that I like him, I told his best friend today. REALLY. his best friend, way to go elle. There are very few people out there dumb enough to tell their crush's best friend who they like.

I got a 92 on my math test. who knew I could be that brilliant. still I didnt get to wear the burger king crown which is reserved for the person with the highest grade in the class. Kelly got that. Kelly, the girl with two hickeys on her neck from her boyfriend who lovingly refers to her as "beef curtain" behind her back. What is the world coming to?

I have gotten four texts from Katina this weekend
1. "I met the hottest guy and we're going on a date tonight"
2. "OMG Elle he's so sexy"
3. "fuck williston guys, college guys are the way to go"
4. "YEAH HE's A SOPHMORE IN COLLEGE!!!"

like this really made my weekend - katina having a ball with some guy on the beach while i sat at home walking my dog, watching Prison Break and taking pictures of my dad for a photo project. What a long weekend.

We were amazing last night. There are sometimes when you can just feel it. It is like the entire cast is one. I have always gotten the same or a bigger adrenaline rush from being on stage than I Have from hockey. It is incredibly powerful. And dorky. Mia and I have labeled Raziq the king of the theater nerds because they worship him. Our chant before we go up and after warm ups is "fuck bitches get money" it is amazing how a kid from the bronx has transformed all the rich theater geeks into ghetto fabulous p.i.m.p's. All the girls are in loove with him. He is also super proud of himself. not like he needed a bigger ego. Drew and I nailed all of our lines... we actually sounded french and it was perfection! I was so happy I have him the biggest hug after we got off even though he has to rush to change costumes.

Parents weekend is here, I am going over to dad's for 3 nights which will be a nice relaxing thing. I dont think I could stand being at mom's for the entire weekend right now. ah, the joys of divorce. Sometimes you need a change of pace. I am doing a photo project on dad. I'm pretty excited too - he is such a photogenic guy and easy to manipulate. Tink thinks M (the guy i like) is chubby, but she thinks everyone is chubby. It is actually pretty funny. I have tried to get over him but I dont really think that it is possible right now. Mike and I had a good conversation the other night where he apologized straight up for everything that happened this summer. I thought that was very big of him and we are back to flirting contagiously and I wish he liked me so I could treat him like dirt and then use him for sex but it is not going to happen, I'm just going to end up looking extremely desperate. So, I'm not making any moves on him. Besides there is a chance M could find out about it and that would be bad. Mia and I are going to see Lotus at Pearl Street in a few weeks and I'm pretty excited for that. More this wekeend maybe, hopefully!

I am not a pack rat. I continually throw away things that most people keep... sentimental dresses, stuffed animals, notes and old tests from classes, books, anything that I cannot see myself using in the near future gets chucked. Thrown to the wind. Or given to charity in the case of old clothes and books. So why can't I throw my magazines. I have an addiction. Bazaar, Jane, Teen Vogue, Elle, Glamour, Details, GQ, Cosmo, Vogue... I even enjoy National Geographic and Newsweek. No matter what it is on, I love it. I soak them up and buy at least 10 a month. And then refuse to chuck them. Why? Sure, at the end of the year I place them all sadly on the table in the common room where the girls go wild cutting out the glossy pictures and store them away. It still makes me sad. They bring me such pleasure and I have no idea why. If i see one I don't have, it immediately gets scooped up no matter the cost. (Although I try and refrain from the 15 dollar french Vogue) It has gotten to the point of being sad. Here I am trying to wittle down my college essay and There is a stack seven high resting where my rough draft should be.

I've been really worried today by whether or not I have a "type" no not a blood type but rather a type of boy that I like. I don't really think I do. But the more I think about it the more all the guys I like seem to become more alike.

Sure the ex boyfriend was totally different from the guy I like now who is totally different from the my first high school crush who is different from the one from this summer. But! wait. I do seem to be attracted to guys who are self confident, if in different ways. They have to be tall. or at least taller than me, not have better abs than I do, and having something to hold onto is a plus, i know from experience, it's just better than abs. They also have to be sweet, and telling me that I'm pretty is a plus...I'm not turned off by that at all, well amybe a little bit if it gets to be too much. I like it when guys aren't too obsessed with me, at least in the beginning, i don't want to get weirded out. Smart is a plus, 3 out of the 4 major crushes I've had in my life have been extremely bright, like ivy league. The other one was a drug addict and a sophmore in my Algebra 1 class. So i do have a bit of a type, but not really, because if I said I had a type it would include stuff like, "no smoking" and 2 out of the 4 have smoked cigarettes and 3 out of the 4 smoked WAY too much pot. The other never touched alcohol or drugs. I might say preppy too, and although one was really into himself and his preppy ass clothes, the other three couldn't have given less of a shit, except for the current one who is an art weirdo kid. Geez. I can't figure it out. WHAT DO I LIKE? there's no real test.

It's official, the torture bill got passed through the house, senate and the president. The state of this country is obscene. I can't even take it anymore. Fucking pussies. 32 democrats voted for this bill. I hate the US sometimes, really. This is just tooooo much. I am almost totally off book for the play though, which is a good sign. The juniors had PSATs today so my first period class was canceled and then my second period was a free long block of 70 minutes. Soo, i rewrote my college essay! exciting stuff, even if the state of the world is in complete disrepair.

HE TOUCHED MY BUTT. thing is, everyone makes fun of my butt, calls it "bubble butt" and some people clap when it gets shown off. and today, he touched it, then he said "whoops, wouldn't want to hurt your tailbone again" and gave me an adorable dimply smile. sigh.........


I ran 30 minutes today, and I felt greeeat afterwards. theres something about running, you have to be in the mood, and you have to run everyday to get into the mood, but sometimes you get tired of it, i think. I wrote to Deval Patrick's committee about the MCAS tests, it was total politcal dork of me but i did it anyways. They actually respond back with a reply that applies to what you said. Pretty awesome if you ask me!

Katina and I have a dinner date at 5:45 ... tres mignon. My tattoo, means two things, it means daisy and pizza. marguerite means Both daisy and pizza in french. bizzzzzare.

Dalm2000: and tiny penis was at extra help
ellepeck: AHHHHHHHH
ellepeck: and?
Dalm2000: he said i dress like a dirty pirate hooker
Dalm2000: thats it
Dalm2000: thats all i cud get
ellepeck: damn.
Dalm2000: i kno
Dalm2000: i was sorta mad
ellepeck: i'm sorry.
Dalm2000: i considered never speaking to him again
ellepeck: really?
Dalm2000: but thats not fair to you
Dalm2000: and
ellepeck: true
Dalm2000: since ur so selfish
Dalm2000: i knew u wud never forgive me
ellepeck: lol SO selfish.
Dalm2000: so
Dalm2000: i decided to sacrifice myself
Dalm2000: my dignity
ellepeck: a dirty pirate hooker. where would he get that?
Dalm2000: for your fling
Dalm2000: i think it was the mismatched sx
Dalm2000: *sox

this is what best friends are for. You really can't blame me for being in love with her. It sort of bothers me that my crush's nickname went from "dirty boy" to "tiny penis" something tells me that there's something wrong with that. Mia and I had a crazy weekend but in a good way. Tiny penis was too high to even notice my existence at the football game except to say "elle what are you thinking" three times with his eyes closed. I sat in the freezing cold for 2 hours watching football of all things so he would notice me and all i got was "what are you thinking?" SUPER. and he won't remember it tomorrow. REALLY SUPER.

SATs this morning went on pretty well. I think I did decent. I hope anyways. Marian told me at breakfast that Sam told her that M. had a small penis. I was of course, obsessed with the absurdity of this fact for the entire morning ... just as I was beginning to forget during one particularly difficult math section i caught marian's eye and saw her raise her pinky to simulate a petit penis. I was thus reminded and sighed rather heavily and then laughed. Then marian dropped her pencil and started doing the breast stroke in the middle of the SATS. i, besides having no clue what was goin on, was in hysterics. I later found out during our "1 minute stretch break" that she was trying to get across that since he plays water polo i should check seeing as they wear speedos.


WHAT IF HE DOES?

I've finally come to realize that the school hasn't blocked this site at all. I made it up, so here I am 3 weeks into my senior year. Looking for a stress reliever already. Can you belive it? My early decision application is due in four weeks. I have the SATs saturday, I have a paper on Hamlet due monday, a math test tomorrow and a physics test monday. It's thursday. I ran 2.5 miles today and I wanted to run four. I have a scar inside my butt crack from a polynoidal cyst I had last week taht I'm just recovering from, i have a photo assigment due in a week and I still haven't picked a person to photograph and I am writing on blogspot. Really, genius idea eleanor.

My college essay is one of three things a) missing something
b) whiny
c) mature.

it depends who you are. dad-whiny, ms. hanley (english teacher)-mature, me-missing something

argh. I have no free time since I've started the play, 6:30 to 8:30 every night except the nights I have to leave early because I'm on duty in the dorm. I can't memorize my lines because they're all in french. Drew is my french husband and he's in french three and totally better than me (my 77 is KILLING me) people who get a C in french don't deserve college in New York City. I can't even believe that I'm a senior. At first I had a crush on a new PG but his girlfriend got in the way of that and while I was obsessing over him I started to fall for a guy i've known for three years. Its not that I've never noticed M. but he's so much more apparent now. he was always this attractive, untouchable sort of kid. Now suddenly, all I want to do is touch. Photo class makes my day... not that it wouldn't otherwise but now it's what I look forward to. I've become obsessed with the chill music of G. Love and Special Sauce, 311, Gorillaz and Ben Harper.

The J. Crew catalog arrived with My dad and the dog. He was too pussy to propose to jill. thank god. The J. Crew catalog looks the same as all the others and Zaidi has become indifferent to me. The girl i once confided everything in now has someone else for a mother. Who I (hopefully) will never have as a step mother.

School starts tomorrow, or rather tuesday but as a "student leader '07" I have to be there 4 days early :O. who knew being a senior would be SO hard? Needless to say, my life as usual will start back up again, no more having time to read way too many books, watch too much TV and get paid for hanging out with a woman i love and organising her pictures. Jeez... I live the life. Sometimes you can just tell it is time to go back to school... the parents get annoying, school supplies get exciting

New news on the college front. I'm trying on my list for size, I suppose.

Eugene Lang (early decision)
Marymount Manhattan
Dartmouth
Holy Cross
UChicago


Dartmouth is my reach school - hah. and UChicago is probably just a random fantasy that will go away. I still need a couple more. Holy Cross I'm only applying to because i have a solid legacy there. I just hope to get in ED to Eugene Lang. Sigh ...

I love Dartmouth. I think if it was between Eugene Lang and Dartmouth I would have some trouble but it's Dartmouth. There's no chance in hell im going to dartmouth.

funny things happen on vacation. Lonely girls end up in bed with boys that they shouln't. Something I would normally shy away from due to the unlikely existence of the very petit amount of morals hiding somewhere in the confines of my mind, I did. I was in the room while a good frien of mine was losing her virginity to a to a boy no less than idiotic. Meanwhile I was sleeping with someone whos last name i didn't know. Slutty? If i didn't despise that word for all the dumb connotations and double standards it puts on women I would use it. Elle - LAPSE in judgement

I've read two books in the past three days. Skinny Dip by Carl Hiaasen and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. They were both really good, but on different levels. Carl Hiaasen's was a hilarious story about a woman who survives when her husband throws her overboard the cruise ship they were on. All the characters are quirky but still believable. Joan Didion's account of the year her husband died and her daughter came close to dying twice was beautiful. It was a bunch of thoughts outlining the months of that year. She's an awesome writer and on top of that the book was raw in a way that touched me as I read it. The way she describes not believing John was dead even though she witnessed his heart attack, saw the EMTs shocking him and giving him CPR and saw his limp body when he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

I have to start working on my essays. College Essays. I can't write them. Why not? Am I secretly afraid of college? Do I not want the colleges I'm writing them for to reaize that I am an insignificant person who cant write all that well?

I sit here drinking my strawberry, banana and yogurt smoothie trying to figure out why my inbox refuses to delete this email from the ex. I went through my entire mailbox and deleted everrrything but this email REFUSES to be deleted. No matter how many times i do it, it WONT GO. I think someone in IT has it out for me. Someone wants me to remember him. God damn it.

Mom got a new blender - it super pulverizes food and is supposed to be really good for you. Needless to say I've had three smoothies today and we made thai peanut sauce for our pasta for dinner with the machine. It gets rid of the seeds in strawberries. Evidently breaks it down to the molecular level. I woke up at 1:30 today. I was so tired.

I've given up on the boy, at least for now. He got a call from an Ivy the other day that he thinks is better than Brown, his favorite school. He is all worried about which ivy to apply ED to. Jeez. It annoys me because he has no idea what he wants - just what he should do. Mia tried to explain it to me, she used the example of his friends, she said that he's a wonderful good kid but he feels that just because his friends areassholes he should be too. You only get to see the sweet part of him every once in a while. It's not that Idon't like the goofy, loud side of him it's just that it's different. He tries to figure out exactly what he should do, before thinking about what he wants. I said, "which school would you like to go to?" and he said, "well I've got the legacy at UPenn, I love Brown but Yale is a better school and if I went to Yale i could get into Wharton business school and then make a lot of money." after telling that to Mia she said that's what our school does to kids... its a college preparatory school not a life preparatory school. no one thinks about their life and how they should do what makes them happy. instead they think about what would make the most money or give them the best job. It almost makes me feel dumb, with my little liberal arts, no grades schools in the city. sigh ... I've been working on my essays though.

I bought the CD Time Flies by Eclectic Collective after my cousin Rosie told me about them. We used to go camping with DJ Special Blend - or Geoff. I was about 10 I think, he was best friends with my cousin's older brother (also my cousin come to think of it.) and went fishing with my dad. He's now this wicked hot DJ who does the turntables for this really good band and has massive dreads.

Mia's sleeping over tonight. I feel some major girl talk coming on. I bought her Indian tobacco on the rez, as well as a necklace and a shirt with the "how are you feeling today" logo on it. We stayed with my dad's best friend in Cincinnati who started that and had all these teeshirts. I told him about Amelia's add on to it that said "bloated and pimply" he loved it.

I have a crush on John Forte (there's a little accent on the e) He's gorgeous and a rapper. I've gotten really into buying CDs lately. I love old rap .. like when funk and rap were mixed almost - edan and ugly duckling, black sheep and such. as I was buying DJ Format presents a right earful mix tape i found him and his hot picture was on the front - obviously an incentive to buy ;). He's in jail now, for transporting drugs that he allegedly thought was money. He was part of the Fugees and went to Exeter Academy - Carly Simon is his surrogate mother. He doesnt get out of jail till he's 38 - there's a lot of stuff saying he should get out sooner because he didn't take the plea bargain and there was a mandatory sentence w/o the plea bargain of 14 years.

www.freejohnforte.com

Why won't he call me?

how many times do you think that sentence has been used over the last century - and before that, "why won't he Send me a letter?" or i dunno. something like that. And why, when I finally find someone who can make me happy and is doing a lot of things right, but isn't necessarily ready to be in a relationship. Then, as soon as I find him someone else comes along, decides he can't live without me and when I turn him down because:

a. I don't like him like that, and I may have earlier but now I don't.
b. My best friend loves him.

as if those two reasons aren't enough ... there's more that I won't get into.

I hate boys. and why won't Mike call me? What did I do in my past life?

Well, I did good today. I sent a facebook message to the ex being quite nice - cheeky but nice - He wanted to know about the reservation and I was rude the other day but I held my own and was perfectly acceptably nice.

Things I'm Thankful For:

Food Network
The Computer
Mos Def
Chocolate
France
Toyota Camrys
cameras
forever 21
Hoku
ticonderoga pencils
indian headwraps
311
The Game
G. Love and Special Sauce
Jon Stewart
Daddy Yankee
Grey's Anatomy
Sex and the City
J. Crew
Birkenstocks
CONCEPTUAl physics
Carl Hiassen
Amelia
Boys
macs
postits
Prince
T.I.
Jay-Z
Immortal technique
Jack Johnson
Donovan Frankenreiter
John Mayer
Flip-flops
Down comforters
G.Q.
Jane
Vogue
elle (magazine)
Bazaar
National Geographic
Zadie Smith
James Nachtwey
Sisters
running

We just got back last night from South Dakota. It was truly amazing. We worked for a few days but mostly toured the reservation, bought crafts and ate indian tacos. Indian tacos are about my new favorite food. It's Fry bread and then tacos on top. Fry bread is .... exactly what it sounds like. a very low calorie food. We placed bunk beds into a couple houses which were really poor and really eye opening. We had a few people who explained native american culture to us and those were great too. The rides out and back were long and rather obnoxious and the country is a lot bigger than it looks. We stopped in Cleveland, Cincinnati (to visit dad's friend Joe) Worthington Minnesota and then Covington South dakota on the way back and South Bend Indiana. We stayed at horrible hotelss most of the time, but that's okay - it gives you a lot of good stories.

Dad and I leave for South Dakota tomorrow! I'm excited but still very nervous. It's so hard to believe I'll be seeing good portions of this country relatively soon. I'm always mystified by people who live in Wisconsin (or want to like marian) and now I will get to GO THERE! Truly amazing.

Mike and Mia are at Brown doing this leadership conference crap. It's decidedly difficult to live without your bestfriend and a boy for two weeks. Mia said she made friends with a girl down the hall from her who wore skinny jeans because that's what I always wear. I have to send Mike a postcard with the little article about the bike trunk taped onto it. I must. "I hope you got a big trunk cuz im putting my bike in it." ahh. Nick is crazy.

There's a truck stop in South Dakota that is supposed to be the best food ever and so unhip its hip according to mim. can't wait to get there ... not. I think I have packed more than I need to. Thing is I really didn't need to bring that much... just like work clothes. oh well, I'm prepared for EVERYTHING this way.

Two WEEKS! ...

alrighty ... here's the thing http://www.tomsshoes.com/ reasons to buy them :

they're way cute
they're ethical
you're actually buying 2 pairs - 1 for a kid who needs shoes in Argentina and 1 for yourself
they're comfortable
sienna miller has a pair
the guy who makes them is WICKED hot
no really.

here's the thing - there's a link to his myspace page and he's a total god freak

ANYONE whose favorite books are the bible and sam walton's (is that his name - the walmart guy?) biography loses all their spicyness rawr...okay his stubble and the curly hair pulled back in the bandana makes it a little better.... until I see that sunsets make him "feel closer to god". maybe my stepsister could date him... blech.



still you should buy his shoes... unless I read somewhere that he's making the poor kids convert to christianity before he hands over the shoes.

change of topic.

Kathy Griffin is a-mazing. wait...did I already talk about this? Kathy Griffin life on the D-List is my favorite show now. She says the funniest fucking things. I just want to ... i dunno. be funny.

this is an exerpt from the smitten blog i talked about on iVillage (copyrights? I THINK NOT!):

i'm a dancin' man and i just can't lose.

Last night, my newly-reunited husband and I went to Jocelyn’s awesome stained glass exhibit opening in Brooklyn, leaving early because we’re old and married, and also, because we’d already had dinner.
All liquored-up In the cab ride home, I informed Alex that I’d seen a recipe on a food blog this week for homemade Oreos, and I’m telling you, his eyebrows shot up so far they nearly landed on top of his head. “Oreos? You know how to make Oreos?” Oh woman after his already-spoken-for heart! Cue the cab dropping us off in front of Gristedes at 10PM so we could pick up ecstatic ingredients. At the register, Staying Alive came on the loudspeakers and I saw him, I saw Alex tap his foot. Then, the right finger pointed out and crept horizontally across the room; that’s right, I’m talking to you Streits Matzo, I’m talking to you, overripe bananas. He assumed the overbite.
And I swooned, people, I swooned. That’s my man, turning the beat around at Gristedes on 8th Avenue at 10:15 PM. That’s my man, unable to keep the rhythm inside him. There’s never going to be anyone as perfect for me as he is. So, I went home and baked him Oreos.

see why i love her?

There are a million reasons why I'm having a darn good day. Okay, not a million but I still am having a good day. My sister's friend who is a photographer for national geographic emailed me back about a position after I get back from South Dakota. IF everything goes right, I could be her and her boyfriend's (also a photographer) assistant! I know, im pretty lucky. whoops. I almost did a smiley face there. I decided smiley faces are for Live Journal and myspace. Not an adult blog. although blog isn't an adult word.

One of my really good friends, Mia and I went out for lunch in town today. We went to Woodstar Cafe. I had this delicious sandwich with ham, brie and dijon mustard. "Le Bon Jambon." (the name of my lovely sandwich.) I read iVillage's blogger "smitten" like it is my job and i was looking at her fantastic pictures of her trip to Paris this morning and it made me want to be french, then I read an article on how much Johnny Depp LOVES france.

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/movies/articles/_a/depp-says-he-just-likes-living-in-france/20060619075409990001

http://www.flickr.com/photos/smitten/sets/72057594086959098/

After lunch mia and I went to Claytopia to make something for eachother. We ended up with these asian tea cups. She made me one with a little squirrel inside and i made her one with an elephant inside. On the outside I put stripes with different colors and then in between the stripes I put I love you in 3 different languages and then "lets f*ck" I thought the * would be difficult to make with paint, not like words were any easier, so i just made a dot and it looked like lets fock. hmm. she got it anyways. still, thats the most random asian teacup you're ever gonna see.

She put "May 12th 2006 and beyond" on the outside on hers. May 12th was this crazy day when she fell in love with this boy who shall not be named, got in a car accident with me and made some crazy life decisions. Ever since then we have been joined at the hip... sortof I-ronic.

Jon Stewart is my boyfriend. Everynight at 11:00 he comes on the television to say goodnight just to me. I am obsessed. He's funny, good looking, smart and let's face it: overall he's amazing. Anyone who has all those things and hates our president as much as I do, my family and friends do and everyone in my town (the lesbian capital of the united states) does deserves props. Right now he's shitting on congress - some of the biggest idiots in the country.

I have to go stare at the tv screen while he speaks, please excuse me.

Anderson Cooper's on tonight....

I just saw a breakdancing pepto bismol commercial. I'm still not sure what to make of it.

I've recently become a crime show connosieur (thats how mom thinks it's spelled) CSI, Law and Order ... SVU or CI or the regular one, Without a Trace, etc. Mom and I watch it together. It's amazing how they manage to solve every crime in an hour. My favorite is SVU I think. Mariska Hargitay is so cool. She was so sickened after working on pretend horrific sexual crimes that she started an organization to help rape victims deal with what happened to them by flying them down to Florida and letting them swim with dolphins which has healing properties.

I saw The Lake House today with my mom, it actually was quite good. Sandra Bullock was brilliant and Keanu Reeves has some issues. He can't really act but he is sorta cute in the way that he was trying to act. It's almost endearing, plus he's pretty hot and they had relatively good chemistry. The story was nice, and the end was good - I thought he'd end up dead but didn't!

I'm going to have an ice cream soda.

I'm leaving for South Dakota in a week. After learning about the 1973 massacre at Wounded Knee in English class and then U.S. History I decided to take a trip to South Dakota to visit the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. Pine Ridge is one of the poorest and worst places to live in the United States. It has been described as a mini third world country.

Here are some stats from the website of the group I will be staying with and working with while at Pine Ridge:


Over 80% Unemployment
Per capita income of $4,000
52 % of the households single parented
Temperatures from 40 below to 120 above
8 times the United States rate of diabetes
5 times the rate of cervical cancer
Twice the rate of heart disease
8 times the rate of TB
Suicide rate more than twice the national rate
Teen suicide 4 times the national rate
Three times the infant mortality rate
The lowest life expectancy in the U.S. and the 2nd lowest in the western hemisphere.
68 % school dropout rate
The poorest of USA's 3,143 counties*
60% live below the poverty level
Often 20 or more people crammed into houses as small as 400 sq. feet
1/3 of the houses without electricity
1/3 of the houses without running water or sewer
Separate and unequal funding of education
Murder rate 2.5 times the national rate
1/2 the number of police officers per capita as the rest of the country
No public transportation, no banks, no movie theaters, no bowling alleys, no recreation centers, no furniture stores, no clothing stores, no nursing homes

*This was true in the 1980 and 1990 census. The recent census places Pine Ridge third from the bottom; Not because things have improved there, but rather, because things got worse on two other South Dakota reservations.

I'm nervous to head off westward. With all these things affecting these people, I can only imagine the state of their hospitality towards naive teenagers.

I'm going mostly to take pictures, I want to be a photographer when I'm grown and I thought this would be an awesome senior project, (since it's the summer before my senior year I have been trying to figure out my senior project for ages). I've been meeting with my photography teacher on how to approach people on taking their picture. I'm not normally a shy person but for some reason I am totally uncomfortable asking people tot ake their picture. I would hate it if someone thought I was using them or just taking their picture to laugh at them or humiliate them.

I've been photographing the homeless people in my city who happen to generally be very friendly, if a little crazy, and always oblige me on the photo taking. The indians have been through so much in this country - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pine_Ridge_Reservation - you can even check out their hardships for yourself on wikipedia. I'm afraid I'll be typecast as someone who doesn't care or understand the plight of the native americans because I'm white.