We were amazing last night. There are sometimes when you can just feel it. It is like the entire cast is one. I have always gotten the same or a bigger adrenaline rush from being on stage than I Have from hockey. It is incredibly powerful. And dorky. Mia and I have labeled Raziq the king of the theater nerds because they worship him. Our chant before we go up and after warm ups is "fuck bitches get money" it is amazing how a kid from the bronx has transformed all the rich theater geeks into ghetto fabulous p.i.m.p's. All the girls are in loove with him. He is also super proud of himself. not like he needed a bigger ego. Drew and I nailed all of our lines... we actually sounded french and it was perfection! I was so happy I have him the biggest hug after we got off even though he has to rush to change costumes.

Parents weekend is here, I am going over to dad's for 3 nights which will be a nice relaxing thing. I dont think I could stand being at mom's for the entire weekend right now. ah, the joys of divorce. Sometimes you need a change of pace. I am doing a photo project on dad. I'm pretty excited too - he is such a photogenic guy and easy to manipulate. Tink thinks M (the guy i like) is chubby, but she thinks everyone is chubby. It is actually pretty funny. I have tried to get over him but I dont really think that it is possible right now. Mike and I had a good conversation the other night where he apologized straight up for everything that happened this summer. I thought that was very big of him and we are back to flirting contagiously and I wish he liked me so I could treat him like dirt and then use him for sex but it is not going to happen, I'm just going to end up looking extremely desperate. So, I'm not making any moves on him. Besides there is a chance M could find out about it and that would be bad. Mia and I are going to see Lotus at Pearl Street in a few weeks and I'm pretty excited for that. More this wekeend maybe, hopefully!

I am not a pack rat. I continually throw away things that most people keep... sentimental dresses, stuffed animals, notes and old tests from classes, books, anything that I cannot see myself using in the near future gets chucked. Thrown to the wind. Or given to charity in the case of old clothes and books. So why can't I throw my magazines. I have an addiction. Bazaar, Jane, Teen Vogue, Elle, Glamour, Details, GQ, Cosmo, Vogue... I even enjoy National Geographic and Newsweek. No matter what it is on, I love it. I soak them up and buy at least 10 a month. And then refuse to chuck them. Why? Sure, at the end of the year I place them all sadly on the table in the common room where the girls go wild cutting out the glossy pictures and store them away. It still makes me sad. They bring me such pleasure and I have no idea why. If i see one I don't have, it immediately gets scooped up no matter the cost. (Although I try and refrain from the 15 dollar french Vogue) It has gotten to the point of being sad. Here I am trying to wittle down my college essay and There is a stack seven high resting where my rough draft should be.

I've been really worried today by whether or not I have a "type" no not a blood type but rather a type of boy that I like. I don't really think I do. But the more I think about it the more all the guys I like seem to become more alike.

Sure the ex boyfriend was totally different from the guy I like now who is totally different from the my first high school crush who is different from the one from this summer. But! wait. I do seem to be attracted to guys who are self confident, if in different ways. They have to be tall. or at least taller than me, not have better abs than I do, and having something to hold onto is a plus, i know from experience, it's just better than abs. They also have to be sweet, and telling me that I'm pretty is a plus...I'm not turned off by that at all, well amybe a little bit if it gets to be too much. I like it when guys aren't too obsessed with me, at least in the beginning, i don't want to get weirded out. Smart is a plus, 3 out of the 4 major crushes I've had in my life have been extremely bright, like ivy league. The other one was a drug addict and a sophmore in my Algebra 1 class. So i do have a bit of a type, but not really, because if I said I had a type it would include stuff like, "no smoking" and 2 out of the 4 have smoked cigarettes and 3 out of the 4 smoked WAY too much pot. The other never touched alcohol or drugs. I might say preppy too, and although one was really into himself and his preppy ass clothes, the other three couldn't have given less of a shit, except for the current one who is an art weirdo kid. Geez. I can't figure it out. WHAT DO I LIKE? there's no real test.

It's official, the torture bill got passed through the house, senate and the president. The state of this country is obscene. I can't even take it anymore. Fucking pussies. 32 democrats voted for this bill. I hate the US sometimes, really. This is just tooooo much. I am almost totally off book for the play though, which is a good sign. The juniors had PSATs today so my first period class was canceled and then my second period was a free long block of 70 minutes. Soo, i rewrote my college essay! exciting stuff, even if the state of the world is in complete disrepair.

HE TOUCHED MY BUTT. thing is, everyone makes fun of my butt, calls it "bubble butt" and some people clap when it gets shown off. and today, he touched it, then he said "whoops, wouldn't want to hurt your tailbone again" and gave me an adorable dimply smile. sigh.........


I ran 30 minutes today, and I felt greeeat afterwards. theres something about running, you have to be in the mood, and you have to run everyday to get into the mood, but sometimes you get tired of it, i think. I wrote to Deval Patrick's committee about the MCAS tests, it was total politcal dork of me but i did it anyways. They actually respond back with a reply that applies to what you said. Pretty awesome if you ask me!

Katina and I have a dinner date at 5:45 ... tres mignon. My tattoo, means two things, it means daisy and pizza. marguerite means Both daisy and pizza in french. bizzzzzare.

Dalm2000: and tiny penis was at extra help
ellepeck: AHHHHHHHH
ellepeck: and?
Dalm2000: he said i dress like a dirty pirate hooker
Dalm2000: thats it
Dalm2000: thats all i cud get
ellepeck: damn.
Dalm2000: i kno
Dalm2000: i was sorta mad
ellepeck: i'm sorry.
Dalm2000: i considered never speaking to him again
ellepeck: really?
Dalm2000: but thats not fair to you
Dalm2000: and
ellepeck: true
Dalm2000: since ur so selfish
Dalm2000: i knew u wud never forgive me
ellepeck: lol SO selfish.
Dalm2000: so
Dalm2000: i decided to sacrifice myself
Dalm2000: my dignity
ellepeck: a dirty pirate hooker. where would he get that?
Dalm2000: for your fling
Dalm2000: i think it was the mismatched sx
Dalm2000: *sox

this is what best friends are for. You really can't blame me for being in love with her. It sort of bothers me that my crush's nickname went from "dirty boy" to "tiny penis" something tells me that there's something wrong with that. Mia and I had a crazy weekend but in a good way. Tiny penis was too high to even notice my existence at the football game except to say "elle what are you thinking" three times with his eyes closed. I sat in the freezing cold for 2 hours watching football of all things so he would notice me and all i got was "what are you thinking?" SUPER. and he won't remember it tomorrow. REALLY SUPER.

SATs this morning went on pretty well. I think I did decent. I hope anyways. Marian told me at breakfast that Sam told her that M. had a small penis. I was of course, obsessed with the absurdity of this fact for the entire morning ... just as I was beginning to forget during one particularly difficult math section i caught marian's eye and saw her raise her pinky to simulate a petit penis. I was thus reminded and sighed rather heavily and then laughed. Then marian dropped her pencil and started doing the breast stroke in the middle of the SATS. i, besides having no clue what was goin on, was in hysterics. I later found out during our "1 minute stretch break" that she was trying to get across that since he plays water polo i should check seeing as they wear speedos.


WHAT IF HE DOES?

I've finally come to realize that the school hasn't blocked this site at all. I made it up, so here I am 3 weeks into my senior year. Looking for a stress reliever already. Can you belive it? My early decision application is due in four weeks. I have the SATs saturday, I have a paper on Hamlet due monday, a math test tomorrow and a physics test monday. It's thursday. I ran 2.5 miles today and I wanted to run four. I have a scar inside my butt crack from a polynoidal cyst I had last week taht I'm just recovering from, i have a photo assigment due in a week and I still haven't picked a person to photograph and I am writing on blogspot. Really, genius idea eleanor.

My college essay is one of three things a) missing something
b) whiny
c) mature.

it depends who you are. dad-whiny, ms. hanley (english teacher)-mature, me-missing something

argh. I have no free time since I've started the play, 6:30 to 8:30 every night except the nights I have to leave early because I'm on duty in the dorm. I can't memorize my lines because they're all in french. Drew is my french husband and he's in french three and totally better than me (my 77 is KILLING me) people who get a C in french don't deserve college in New York City. I can't even believe that I'm a senior. At first I had a crush on a new PG but his girlfriend got in the way of that and while I was obsessing over him I started to fall for a guy i've known for three years. Its not that I've never noticed M. but he's so much more apparent now. he was always this attractive, untouchable sort of kid. Now suddenly, all I want to do is touch. Photo class makes my day... not that it wouldn't otherwise but now it's what I look forward to. I've become obsessed with the chill music of G. Love and Special Sauce, 311, Gorillaz and Ben Harper.

The J. Crew catalog arrived with My dad and the dog. He was too pussy to propose to jill. thank god. The J. Crew catalog looks the same as all the others and Zaidi has become indifferent to me. The girl i once confided everything in now has someone else for a mother. Who I (hopefully) will never have as a step mother.